Hazards of the Road
by Kavery12
Summary: They fight demons, defend Scriptures and are absolutely badass. But can they change a tire?


I do not own Saiyuki. Although I do like the boys. A lot.

*Thump!*

"What the-" Gojyo swore as Hakkai swerved violently, pulling Hakuryuu over and tipping Gojyo out of the Jeep into the dust.

"Haha, look at Gojyo!" Goku cackled gleefully as Hakuryuu kyuu-ed mournfully. Sanzo glared balefully but refused to budge as Hakkai climbed out of the driver's seat and scratched his head in bewilderment.

Hakuryuu had a flat tire.

"Is that even possible?" Gojyo grumbled, the truth of it staring him in the face. Hakkai smiled sheepishly and chuckled. "Well, apparently. We can't ask him to transform without his tire. Who knows what it would to do him. We'll just have to change it. Sanzo, I'm afraid you're going to have to get out of the Jeep." Goku, of course, was already poking at the flat rear tire.

Fishing around in the rear compartment, Hakkai managed to find a small jack and a toolbox. Carefully following the somewhat battered instructions, he managed to jack up the back corner of the Jeep with Goku hovering over his shoulder. "Uh, that's as far as my knowledge goes," Hakkai frowned, hunkered over and staring at the lug nuts holding the tire on.

"Are you serious? You only know how to use the jack?" Gojyo yelped. "Ahaha, I've never changed a tire before. Hakuryuu has never had this problem. But I suppose I should have seen it coming sooner or later. It's not like we're driving on nice roads all the time." Goku's stomach growled and he moaned. "Com'on Hakkai, you gotta change the tire fast. I'm starving!" Hakkai glanced over his shoulder at Sanzo, snoozing peacefully under the nearest tree.

"Well, I suppose these bolt things come off with a wrench," he said thoughtfully. Gojyo, now interested, handed him a wrench that looked like it might fit. They had to try two or three times. "Now, which way do you turn the wrench," Hakkai mused. "We don't want to keep tightening the bolts." "Lefty loosey, righty tighty," Goku supplied suddenly. "You've gotta be kidding me. Hakkai, I'd turn it the other way. What does a stupid monkey know about people-stuff?" Gojyo grumbled, bopping Goku on the head.

Hakkai tentatively twisted the wrench to the left. "What!" Gojyo squawked indignantly. "Calm down, if it doesn't loosen up, I'll turn it the other way." There was a long silence as Goku vibrated on the spot, clearly hungry but trying to keep quiet for Hakkai. "Hmm," Hakkai murmured as Hakuryuu cheeped in disappointment. "It's not turning. At all. Either way." "Well, you just gotta put more effort into it!" Gojyo elbowed Hakkai out of the way and started reefing on the wrench. After about five minutes, during which Gojyo's face turned as red as his hair, the first stubborn little nut lay on the cloth Hakkai had spread out.

Gojyo stood up triumphantly. "Did you see that?" He prepared to strut about, but Goku was mournfully poking at the last empty sandwich bag and Sanzo was still asleep. Hakkai smiled sweetly. "Yes, but there's still five more to go and since you seem to be the most mechanically-inclined, I'll just wait for you to finish." He picked up the battered instruction manual and was immediately lost to the rest of the world. Gojyo was left standing, the wrench dangling from his hand.

He grumbled in disgust, but dutifully backed off the rest of the nuts. "Hakkai, what next?" As Hakkai began to answer, Goku pounced. "HA!" he crowed, just now noticing. "What _is _it, monkey?" Gojyo asked irritably. "You were turning the wrench to the left like I said! I was right! Nyaaaah! Stupid cockroach!"

WHACK!

"What was that for?!" Goku wailed, covering his head. Sanzo glowered down at him, tucking away the harisen. "I felt like it. Shut up. Why isn't the new tire on the stupid Jeep?" Hakkai chuckled helplessly, just a little frazzled. "Well, we _are_ learning as we go. Gojyo, pull the tire off and Goku, go see if you can get the spare tire from the tailgate."

The flat tire came off and Hakkai turned to check on Goku just in time to see the spare tire bounce off down the road, the monkey chasing it. "Get back here, you ****ing tire!" Hakkai rubbed his forehead in consternation while Gojyo laughed hysterically and Sanzo considered shooting the runaway tire and monkey.

"Sanzo, please don't shoot the spare tire. It would be counterproductive. Gojyo, go get the tire." Gojyo started to protest, but Hakkai's smile stiffened alarmingly and Sanzo's gun cocked quietly, sending Gojyo scuttling after the tire. "Idiots," sighed Sanzo and Hakkai did not disagree.

Half an hour later, Gojyo reappeared, a monkey over his shoulder and the tire under his arm. "You'd better appreciate this. I smell like rubber and there's an idiot drooling all down my back because he got tired and fell asleep." He dumped Goku unceremoniously in the back seat and Hakkai fitted the spare onto Hakuryuu's axle. "Hurry it up. I'm outta smokes." Sanzo growled. "If you're in such a hurry, do it yourself!" an exasperated Gojyo snapped back, only to gulp as he stared down the barrel of Sanzo's Smith and Wesson.

"Do I look like the type of monk who deals with mechanics?" Hakkai chose that very moment to exclaim proudly "We're done!" Hakuryuu kyuu-ed happily and Hakkai let down the jack. "There we go. Roadworthy again. Now we'll just have to pick up another tire in the next town. It wouldn't do to be caught with _two_ bad tires." He packed up the tool kit and climbed into the driver's seat. "All right then, shall we?"

"We should. If Goku wakes up before we hit the next town, he's going to whine the rest of the way," Gojyo grunted as he jumped into the rumble seat, shoving the monkey over, suddenly lighting up with inspiration. "Hey! It's like a joke! How many Sanzos does it take to change a tire?"

BOOM.

"How many bullets does it take to kill a kappa, idiot?"


End file.
